I really like to watch David E Kelly’s new series Monday Mornings. It’s an excellent show with a diverse mix of characters that only the genius of David E Kelly could produce . There is an Asian doctor . His English is as horrible as his bedside manner. But he is honest. And devastatingly so. If asked what will happen if the patient rejects a surgery he simply states
Not do, dead.
. His honestly sends me into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. He is no dancing baby but he is the best character David E Kelly has ever created. Do you know what irritates me about this character? The fact that I have in fact watched all ten episodes of this show I love so much and if the Asian doctor looked at me and said
What my name? Not do dead.
I would not be able to tell him his name. That is the worst part of ADHD for me. Memory loss. I know that I’m on a much lower dose of stimulants right now due to circumstances in which a higher dose would have agitated my emotions, making it much more challenging to stifle my agitation. On Monday Mornings the ‘Blonde girl doctor’ and the ‘chief of staff doctor’ did a surgery on an OCD patient to eliminate the symptoms and improve his quality of life. A Surgery to cure what ails in the brain. Changed the boys life. Of course It’s all fictional. A girl can dream can’t she, that a surgery would give the the capacity to remember names, walk upstairs to my bedroom and know why I am there rather than stand and stare and never remember why you went there in the first place . If such a surgery were available I would be the first in line. I know a lot of people say given the option they would never change having ADHD. I am currently grieving the woman I could have been. Today I cannot simply be thankful for who I am. Tomorrow may be different. I try to make the best of the situation. Today my frontal lobe is the enemy. I want to remember names , faces. I was late for boxing today. And then I went grocery shopping and I forgot the items on the list because I forgot I had a list. Stress effects how ADHD meds work, which is why my dose hasn’t been increased. Today I can honestly say I can’t stand it. My husband has mentioned the serenity prayer to many times.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
. Ok so it’s here and it’s real. They say I have ADHD, and a lot of people laugh and think its something so simple. Normally I can find humour in having ADHD, but today I am annoyed and frustrated and I hope the diagnoses is wrong because I am thirty-one years old and I can’t remember where my keys are. And sometimes trying to have a conversation with me is like talking to a rock. And I wish I could express myself better. There is still a small part of me that hopes the doctors are wrong. There is a bigger part of me that wishes there was a surgery to take the forgetfulness, and the easy irritation, and the small things being so huge on my mind and the huge things being so small. Give me the power to prioritize. And just one day not screw up. So I ask
grant me the surgery to remove ADHD and allow me to function as the beautiful , smart and confident woman I know lies beneath it all